Nice work man. The beginning weirdly reminded me of call of duty ghosts with the world going from normal to raining hellfire. Great writing though. Really could be a good show.
Bet, just two questions. Whats a himads. And is there any old Japanese stuff that gets used. It would be pretty funny to see someone with an old nambu or arisaka holding off the Chinese army.
HIMADS — High Mobility Air Defense System — is a 50mm cannon on a HIMARS chassis (like in the Raytheon cannon-based air defense video from a while back). Also definitely no on the old japanese weapons lol
Ohhh. I just figured cause Guam was a decent Japanese garrison and they’re might be some left around. Also on the gravely classes picture thing. They don’t have a laid down or in service date
Ohhh. Makes sense. I thought it be something like that. Yk they talk about Africa and how horrid the Chinese were. What happens in Africa anyways? Pre-shift
Again, before I preface any critiques I want to really push across that I am thoroughly enjoying the series thus far, and believe it is well written despite some minor edits.
This is your story and your narrative, and it is ultimately up to you to decide path of the story.
In my opinion, your inclusion of recent "historical" figures (Ben Shipiro, Kamala Harris, Liz Cheney, MTG, for example) all serve to distract the reader from the world that you are building.
Again, I'm not trying to tell you how to write your novel- far from it. What I am attempting to highlight is that if you default to "creative" political figures and focus on their reasonings and motivations instead of the historical figures, it allows you greater creative flexibility and greater reach to your potential audience, if that makes sense.
I say this as someone who is largely non-political myself (I know, you can judge me for that). What I mean is that you spend all of this time building your world and telling your story, just to ground it back by using some political reference to someone who likely will not be relevant in ten years.
I hope that makes sense. Like I said before, I love your work and think it's a breath of fresh air. But (and please, don't take this personally) you have yo capture the audiencesattention and have them believe in the world that you create.
Nonetheless, at the end of the day, it is your world and your creation, and you have done a superb job at building both.
I hope my feedback doesn't offend. I sincerely wish you the best and can't wait to see how the story goes moving forward.
Nice work man. The beginning weirdly reminded me of call of duty ghosts with the world going from normal to raining hellfire. Great writing though. Really could be a good show.
The visceral oomph of this story is incredible. Great work, Vale.
thank you!
So what’s the other vigenettes about?
You'll have to wait and see!
Bet, just two questions. Whats a himads. And is there any old Japanese stuff that gets used. It would be pretty funny to see someone with an old nambu or arisaka holding off the Chinese army.
HIMADS — High Mobility Air Defense System — is a 50mm cannon on a HIMARS chassis (like in the Raytheon cannon-based air defense video from a while back). Also definitely no on the old japanese weapons lol
Ohhh. I just figured cause Guam was a decent Japanese garrison and they’re might be some left around. Also on the gravely classes picture thing. They don’t have a laid down or in service date
yeah that's cus i haven't gotten around to figuring out those dates because it would be a nightmare since there are so many of them lol
Ohhh. Makes sense. I thought it be something like that. Yk they talk about Africa and how horrid the Chinese were. What happens in Africa anyways? Pre-shift
Holy fuck.
Again, before I preface any critiques I want to really push across that I am thoroughly enjoying the series thus far, and believe it is well written despite some minor edits.
This is your story and your narrative, and it is ultimately up to you to decide path of the story.
In my opinion, your inclusion of recent "historical" figures (Ben Shipiro, Kamala Harris, Liz Cheney, MTG, for example) all serve to distract the reader from the world that you are building.
Again, I'm not trying to tell you how to write your novel- far from it. What I am attempting to highlight is that if you default to "creative" political figures and focus on their reasonings and motivations instead of the historical figures, it allows you greater creative flexibility and greater reach to your potential audience, if that makes sense.
I say this as someone who is largely non-political myself (I know, you can judge me for that). What I mean is that you spend all of this time building your world and telling your story, just to ground it back by using some political reference to someone who likely will not be relevant in ten years.
I hope that makes sense. Like I said before, I love your work and think it's a breath of fresh air. But (and please, don't take this personally) you have yo capture the audiencesattention and have them believe in the world that you create.
Nonetheless, at the end of the day, it is your world and your creation, and you have done a superb job at building both.
I hope my feedback doesn't offend. I sincerely wish you the best and can't wait to see how the story goes moving forward.
-your biggest supporter